Happy Shinji
by SpikeyKun
Summary: It's hard when the fate of a city depends on the mood of one 14 year old pilot...


Ritsuko sighed as she stood before the commander of Nerv in the darkened office, Fuyutsuki hovering behind him as always. 'This is not gonna be good.' 

"Report." Gendo peered at the blonde doctor from behind his desk, his white gloved fingers loosly intertwined before his face.

"Retrieval of unit 01 and the Third Child from the remains of the 12th angel went as planned. The pilot appeared unharmed, merely unconcious whereupon he was evacuated to the Nerv medical ward." a pause. "Inital tests on unit 01 indicate a foreign pathogen in the central nervous system. An angel virus."

Gendo frowned. "Go on."

"So far, most of the virus appears to be dormant in its lysogenic state and resisted all efforts of the Eva's immune system to expel it. Standard hormonal, stress and free energy tests failed to trigger the lytic state in the samples we've taken."

"So we don't know what actually triggers the virus?" Fuyutsuki questioned.

The blonde woman shook her head. "Most of the angel virus was dormant, some 99.995 percent of it, in fact. However, the actively lysing virus seemed to follow a pattern. A resonance…"

"Resonance?"

Ritsuko sighed again. "Running the data into the Magi, it most resembled a brain wave pattern…"

Gendo's stared at her behind his dark tinted "Whose?"

"… The Third Child…"

Gendo's frown deepened. "…"

"Upon medical inspection of the Third Child, foreign material resembling that of the Angel virus was found, centered mostly around the amygdala of the brain. It's dormant, but the magi predict that it's somehow linked to the Angel virus in unit 01, perhaps serving as the trigger to exit out of its dormant state."

"How does the trigger work?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"The Magi believe it's based on negative emotions such as depression or anger… positive emotions seem to repress viral activity, but negative ones will –"

"Have you tried to extract the trigger virus?" Gendo enquired coldly.

Ritsuko was shocked. Such an extraction would severely damage parts of the brain. "N-no. Such a procedure would be likely to trigger a response in Unit 01-"

"Doctor," Gendo interrupted, his voice hard, "might I remind you that unit 01 cannot be compromised… How are we to deal with this?"

"We're currently looking into a countervirus… something that will target infected cells and inject them with Angel RNA and DNA cleaving enzymes and render them inert until natural cellular processes can break it down… However, to do this, we need more time to develop the virus and observe how exactly the trigger works. Until then, I suggest Unit 01 be placed under cryostasis away from the other evas until the treatment can be implemented."

"And what of the pilot?"

"Special care must be taken with the Third Child… In particular, negative emotions such as depression or anger should be avoided as much as possible, and happier emotions should be reinforced… If he should give in to a rage or a fit of severe depression... we might lose Unit 01."

One of Gendo's eyebrow's twitched. "So in order to keep this virus from spreading too quickly, we should keep the Third Child… happy?" The word felt funny in the Commander's mouth. "Very well then, I trust you to administer the proper drug treatme-"

"No drugs!" Ritsuko exclaimed sharply, then resisted a flinch in response to the Commander's glare. "Overusage of dopamine and drugs is likely to cause complications… Withdrawal symptoms alone are likely to increase the frequency and magnitude of depression… no, the positive emotions should be as natural as possible…"

"What do you suggest then, doctor?" Gendo asked, a very slight emphasis on the word 'doctor', evidence of his displeasure.

"First, take him off the active pilot list… He's a reluctant pilot at best, and we won't be sure what would happen if he were to actively take control of Unit 01… The Third Child will need to come in regularly so that we can keep track of his brainwaves, but no more eva piloting or synch tests until we have more information."

"Go on…"

"Second, steps should be taken to keep Shinji as content as possible, stable home, nourishing food, good school experience… basically ensure that these things reflect positive emotions in his mind... And finally…" She paused for a moment, biting her lip…

"Yes?"

"Sex." Ritsuko stated bluntly as Fuyutsuki made a slight strangled noise which he discreetly disguised as a cough. "It's a natural release of endorphins that should help blunt negative emotions. Considering his physiology, I'd say it's the most effective buffer until we can implement countermeasures against the pathogen."

Gendo's gaze bored into Ritsuko for a moment, as if to discern the truthfulness of such a ridiculous statement. "…Very well." He stated. "You are dismissed doctor."

The click-clack staccato of high heels on the tile seemed particularly muted as the scientist made her way to the door. Gendo remained sitting, staring at a nondescript corner obscured in darkness for a few moments. Fuyutsuki was the first to break the silence.

"I don't suppose this was forseen in the scenario, Ikari? He enquired dryly.

"Hm…" came the succinct reply.

* * *

HAPPY SHINJI By SpikeyKun

disclaimer – Eva and its cast belong to Gainax and Anno, I'm just here to give Shinji a lil extra tender loving care… Don't like it, don't read it, ne? Oh yeah, and this story may contain bad language, violence, underage drinking, sex, plenty of innuendo and twisted morality... But no drugs cause drugs are bad... Gotta keep your priorities straight, ne?

Chapter 1

Date: Wed, 3 February 2016

From: HIGHCOMMAND (at) ZNERVSERV. NET

To: PERSONNELA (at) ZNERVSERV. NET

Subject: Secure notification to all personnel

This is a notification to all Nerv personnel, security level beta following protocol 3.

Following the recent Angel attack, the mental health of one Ikari Shinji, designated Third Child is threatened. It is imperative that the Third Child's mental health not be compromised, thus it is the priority of all Nerv personnel to extend their duties to the rehabilitation of the Third Child. Failure to comply will result in a court martial and termination from your employ following a full review of the case. Furthermore, the Third Child is to not to hear word of his mental health or plans for rehabilitation as its very knowledge may compromise his health. Failure to comply will be considered treason and the transgressor shall be persecuted to the full extent of the law and their employment terminated immediately.

Attached is a list compiled by Section 2 and Doctor Ritsuko Akagi containing further instructions and information concerning proper protocol in this matter. Your cooperation is appreciated.

Kouzo Fuyutsuki Vice-Commander of Nerv

Attachement: HappyThird.pdf

* * *

'God I need a drink…' Misato massaged the bridge of her nose as she rode the elevator up to her apartment. 

'A virus… a fucking Angel virus…' She sighed. 'you've got to be kidding me…' Being the Operations Director of Nerv as well as guardian of two Eva pilots, she had been briefed with much more detailed information concerning her ward. As the metal doors opened onto her floor, she slowly walked down the walkway to her apartment. 'More than the virus, is this so called 'rehabilitation'…' the purple haired woman mused as she stopped and leaned against the railing. She had to fight the urge to bang her head against the metal pole along the top of the rail. 'Kami-sama… What sort of sick joke is this, anyways? I'm an Operations Director, not a -' She cut herself off with a grimace as she made her way to the door to her apartment. It was fortunate that her annoyance wasn't with Shinji, but rather the situation he'd been put in and the deeply lodged rock in her gullet that told her she was in way over her head. Misato paused at the entrance, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for the inevitable before entering through the portal briskly.

"Tadaima!" She called out with a cheer she didn't really feel as she stepped inside. A quick glance around proved the living room and the kitchen empty but for a warm water penguin that cocked his head quizzically at her from the beer fridge, before popping the tab on a yebisu with his beak and heading to his refridgerator. 'Pen Pen's got the right idea...' Misato watched the fridge door close behind her pet enviously. 'However...' she noted as she drew herself up and made her way to Shinji's room where he was undoubtedly staring blankly at the ceiling with his SDAT on. 'No drinking on the job...'

Plastering on what she hoped was a sincere looking smile and quickly trying the quell the initial symptoms of panic in her system, Misato knocked on the door to her male charge's room.

"Misato-san?" a familiar voice from close behind startled the Major, causing her to whirl quickly around pressing her back up against the door. Unfortunately, this also happened to trigger the automatic door to slide open. Suddenly bracing much of her weight against air, which is not noted for its... solid... properties, Misato Katsuragi tumbled with a squawk into Shinji's Lovely Suite on her shapely backside.

"Misato-san!! Are you alright?" Shinji's face entered her vision, concern written on his face as well as some amount of guilt... as though her falling had somehow been his fault. 'He's a good kid, just a little too serious sometimes...' She smiled to herself 'let's see if I can get him to loosen up.'

"Yeah, I'm fine, you just surprised me... oww... I'm gonna be a bit sore in the morning..." She grinned mischieviously. "Ooh Shin-chan... the things you do to me..." she cooed.

"Ah... Sorry..." Shinji flushed slightly before averting his eyes from her gaze. "I was grabbing the laundry out of the bathroom... sorry" he added before stepping away guiltily.

Misato sighed as the door closed behind his rapidly retreating form. 'This is gonna be harder than I thought...' she thought to herself as she picked herself up off the floor. 'Fuck it! just one isn't gonna matter...' She walked to the kitchen.

* * *

"You want me to WHAAAT!?" Asuka's voice took on a piercing quality, as she stared at the Supreme Commander of Nerv. She and The First child had been called down to Nerv headquarters and escorted to the Commander's office by Doctor Akagi for further debriefing on the Angel virus currently infecting Unit 01 and its pilot.

"The activation of the virus contracted from the 12th angel is triggered by negative emotions." Ritsuko explained. The Commander sat silently behind his desk. "As fellow co-pilots, and classmates, you two are best suited to monitor and regulate the moods of the Third Child."

"I'm an Eva pilot, not a verdammt babysitter!" The fiery redhead asserted, crossing her arms in indignation. She glanced over at the blue-haired girl beside her. "Oy, WonderGirl, don't you have anything to say about this?"

"..." Rei stood silently, her face passive.

Asuka grimaced. "Hmph, of course not... Not the Commander's little doll..." she muttered under her breath.

"I am not a-"

Cutting off the albino girl's protest, the Second Child turned back to the blonde doctor. "And I recieved a copy of the notification that was sent out. You want us to have sex with him!?" she accused.

Ritsuko coughed apologetically, "Ahem, I realize that... encouraging relations with the Third Child may seem a little extreme, but we believe the situation merits such precautions."

"It's still perverted! I'm not gonna be some lustobjekt for that baka hen-"

"Enough." The Commander's voice was crisp with authority. "You are Eva Pilots, and also part of this organization. It is your unique position that allows you to monitor the Third, and administer any... deterrence of negative emotions... This is your duty, and abjuration of your duty may severely compromise our ability to handle the Angels. Is this understood?"

"Yes sir." Rei responded immediately. Asuka glared daggers at her, before huffing sullenly and nodding.

"Very well. Any concerns may be directed to Doctor Akagi. You have your orders. Dismissed!"

* * *

"Oy, First, wait up!" Asuka called out as the two eva pilots left the room.

"Pilot Soryu." The blue haired girl acknowledged, pausing only slightly in her stride as the Second Child joined her. The two walked in silence for a moment before Asuka stepped ahead and whirled around forcing her blue haired counterpart to stop.

"Don't tell me you're fine with all this!" The red head burst out, gesturing emphatically with one arm, her other hand resting indignantly upon one hip.

"All of what, Pilot Soryu?" Rei intoned.

"What do you think!? They want us to be that... that pervert's lil sex toys!" a pair of blue eyes flashed angrilly.

"I do not understand." Rei replied flatly.

"Scheisse!" Asuka exclaimed, suddenly struck with a horrifying thought. "You can't tell me you don't know what sex i-"

"I am aware of proper protocol in sexual intercourse." the albino interjected coolly.

"Oh..." The red head deflated visibly for a moment, but suddenly narrowed her eyes at the First Child.. "So who'd you do it with." Asuka snorted to herself, '10 bucks says its the Commander, it would explain a hell of a lot.'.

Rei tilted her head quizzically. "I have not had intercourse with any man, pilot Soryu. Your assumptions are mistaken." She stepped around the red eva pilot, and resumed walking down the hallway.

"Hey, geez, I'm not finished, Wondergirl!" Asuka quickened her pace till she was walking aside the reserved girl. "So you're really okay with this?" She scowled when no answer was forthcoming. "Fine, whatever. Have fun when you bang the baka..." She increased her stride, intent on outdistancing the First Child. She paused, however, when she heard her name.

"Pilot Soryu."

"What?" Asuka huffed impatiently, tapping a foot on the linoleum floor. She did not bother to turn around.

"I do not believe the Commander is mistaken. The health of Unit 01 and pilot Ikari depends on us." Rei's eyes narrowed, although the other girl could not see. "I will not fail."

"... Hmph." The Second Child gave a brief snort, before walking briskly away, a pair of red eyes staring intently after her.

* * *

The Third Child sighed as he turned off the television program he had been watching. Ever since the Angels began attacking Tokyo-3, it seemed that only reruns from pre-second impact and the news ever aired.

'I guess a lot of people aren't interested in making TV while the Angels attack.' he thought morosely as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Oyyyy Shin-chaaaaan! Be a sweetie and get me another beer?" Misato leaned over smiling and batting her eyes prettily at him from the kitchen table, her face flushed. Since she had changed out of her uniform into a pair of jean short shorts and a tank top, this had the interesting effect of enhancing her already prominent cleavage.

Shinji blushed furiously as he averted his gaze. "Misato-san, are you sure you should be having another beer?"

"Hey, one doesn't count!" The purple sexpot pouted cutely.

"... That isn't just one." Shinji pointed in front of her before pulling out various items he would need for dinner out of the fridge and cabinets.

The Major blinked in surprise at the small cluster of cans that had accumulated on the table. "Oh..." She beamed. "Might as well make it half a dozen then!" She got up and made her way to the fridge only slightly unsteady on her feet, as she reached in to grab a can, she paused as a thought hit her.

Shinji blinked as a beer can was suddenly thrust into his immediate vision. "Misato-san?"

"Eheh. Drink up Shinji-kun! This Yebisu is for you!" Misato grinned as she threw an arm around the Third Child's shoulders, the other hand holding the proferred beverage.

"W-what are you saying Misato-san!" Shinji tried pulling out of his guardian's grip, only to have her tighten it into a one armed embrace from behind. "You know I'm underage! Besides, I need to start dinn-"

"Oh no you don't! You've been waaaaay to tense lately." Misato expertly popped the tab of the can one handed, the other arm never relinquishing its hold on her charge. "Besides, you can always start dinner afterwards! Now bottoms up!" She brought the beer to the young Ikari's lips and tiped the can backwards.

"Hey, wai-!" Shinji flailed as the contents of the can quickly sloshed back on top of him, his protests literally drowned as the japanese microbrew filled his mouth. He quickly began coughing as the liquid enters the wrong tube.

"Uh... oops?" Misato placed the can on the floor and began to thump on the young man's back as his coughing eased.

"Ugh... I think I'm going to be sick..." Shinji massaged his throat, grimacing.

"Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?" Misato eased her thumping and rubbed her palm soothingly along her charge's back, guilt eating away at her. 'Stupid! Stupid!' she berated herself.

"Misato-saaan!" Shinji's voice took on a plaintive note.

"Oh geez, I'm so sorry Shinji-kun. I wasn't thinking. It's just... you've been so down lately, and I couldn't think of anything else to cheer you up so I... I'm sorry, it was a stupid idea! Please forgive me!" Misato wailed, crocodile tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"You thought it was a good idea to get me drunk!?" Shinji bursted out incredulously.

"No! I... I just thought we could share a drink together, ya know?" The purple haired woman groaned to herself. 'god, that sounds weak even to me...'. "We... we hardly do things together anymore... sorry." she sniffed.

"..." Shinji was quiet for a moment, before grabbing the can and bringing it up to his lips, sipping it. He grimaced at the taste, but offered his guardian a shy smile, nonetheless.

"Shinji-kun!" Misato enveloped the young pilot in a hug, her arms encircling him just underneath his arms, and pulling him back until he was practically in her lap. "Thank you..." She murmured, allowing her head to rest on Shinji's back.

"... Um... Misato-san?" Shinji began after several moments, squirming uncomfortably. 'There's... something soft squishing into my back...' He blushed.

"Hey, Shinji? Cheer up, ne?" Misato sniffed as she tightened her embrace. "You have people who really care about you. You've gone through a lot of hardship, and will probably go through more, but we do want you to be happy. You've done a lot for us, we're proud of you..."

The Third Child felt his chest tighten up, and his eyes moisten at her declaration. "Th-thank you Misato-san." he said shakily before bringing the half empty can to his lips, draining the bitter brew.

"Whoa, slow down there, kiddo." Misato laughed and smiled before allowing her voice to turn stern. "Now, I don't want you making this into a habit. It's my ass and yours if you start getting roaring drunk, so no drinking without me, understood?"

"H-hai!" Shinji nodded quickly, his face quickly becoming flushed. 'My body... feels kinda warm...'

Misato smiled. "Great!" Her voice took on a teasing tone. "But oh my, Shinji... I didn't know you were such a lightweight... Or that you were looked so cu-" She was cut off as a feminine voice called out from hallway.

"Tadai...ma?" Asuka blinked at the sight in the kitchen. Shinji, his face red and holding an opened beer can, sitting in the lap of their equally flushed guardian who had her arms wrapped protectively around his waist.

"Eheh... Okaeri Asuka-chan!" Misato greeted waving a hand, sweatdropping. Her other hand, Asuka noticed, remained around the mortified Third Child. "This... uh... isn't what it looks like..." She stated weakly.

Shinji, for his part, began to panick as an all too familiar twitch in the fiery redhead's brow sent his fight or flight response into overdrive. "A...Asuka..."

The Second Child closed her eyes and breathed in deep, before expulsing the air in a quick "hurrumph".

"Whatever, I'm not going to even ask... I'm taking a bath. Dinner better be ready by the time I finish." She turned on her heels and walked away.

"Trunken perverslinge..." She muttered under her breath. She glanced back anyways, eyes narrowed in scrutiny.

* * *

Author's notes - I know next to nothing in German. I googled up some words and patched em together for our fiery redhead, so it's altogether possible I'm saying it wrong. If any of you are fluent in German and want to give me an alternative to use, please feel free to do so, in the meantime,

Verdammt - damn

Schiesse - shit

Trunken perverslinge - Drunken perverts

OOC? Erm... maybe only a little... I figure Asuka can converse semi-civilly with Rei in the face of such... extenuated circumstances (By the way, the extra protocols don't really say to shag Shinji senseless (say that 3 times fast), Asuka is just... a lil fixated), and Misato's lil interaction with Shinji can be chalked up to having finished off a half dozen - 1 beers. Shinji's lil breakdown, I find a slight parallel with the end of the first volume of the manga, where he and Misato watch as the city rises up after the Third Angel's attack and Misato tells him he did well eliciting some tears from our reluctant pilot while conveying his wish to hear those words from his father. Erm... and btw, I dunno whether I'll be following the manga or the anime, so try to forgive any discrepancies... XD

This story's been on my backburner for a while accumulating notes, along with a various other fic ideas I'll probably never write. The fic was also originally going to be silly with every aspect of the plot serving to get Shinji molested by as many women as possible, but meh... The premise is silly enough without making it totally brain rotting and besides, good dialogue is both challenging and enjoyable to read so I'll strive for some semblance of it... Feel free to leave comments, suggestions, maybe an omake if you like... it's all food for the ego-monster.

Pre-readers - me


End file.
